爱过就不后悔

虽然，嘴里...心里...不断地重复有多么的讨厌他，恨他。但，我重来都不曾后悔最后的选择是他。


今天我们处于这种地步，我的责任是最大。比起我对他的恨意，他比任何人都更有资格很我。这段感情我学的很多，感受到很多。快了，悲伤，讨厌，烦...错中复杂的情绪。我自认从开始我给予他的爱的确少得可怜，少得他苦苦哀求希望我能爱他多一点。我后悔自己不曾用心爱他，原来在我跑他追的情况我已经习惯有他在身边唠唠叨叨的日子，有个人不断地跟我吵架，不断的说爱我。我不后悔在最后发现真个事实时选择留在他身边。然，我后悔的是原本可以好好爱他，我却错过了。

到了现在，我们谈不上曾经深爱过。到了现在，我却发现原来我们连朋友都不是。那，剩下的还有什么呢？他说过，在我身上他体验了很多第一次的感受。第一次如此爱一个女生，第一次不断的吵架，第一个为女生哭了又哭...还有很多很多。在他离开前，他说：“不是我不再爱你，可是...那总是夹着可是。或许现在我不再回来，或许以后我会回来。”....我呆了，以后？以后是多久以后的事呢？我不会等，因为等待的人最愚蠢。等待的人让生命停留不动，让理想停止。而这一切就只为了等待一个不知的未来吗？我当然希望有一天我开大眼睛就看见他，可是我却也知道梦想离现实很远的道理。

我只想再说，选择是你，我没有后悔。不管现在变成了怎样，我依然相信曾经的曾经你是如此如此的深爱着我。而我，却爱得太迟。原谅我...原谅我的自私。我想念你为我做的每一件事，生病了为我买的药，坚持爱我的的心，我们一起看的夕阳，我一起到过的海边，我踏足的沙滩，我们的海鲜意大利面，你准备的早餐，你为我哭的表情，你送给我的每一个笑脸，你对我的付出，你抱着我旋转的回忆都是我想的。感情本来就是失或得，我失去你但我或得比失去更多。

爱过总比什么都没有来得好，既然我们连朋友都谈不上那我就把你忘了。爱过就不后悔...

The Real you...hypocrite!Liar!!

Why should i care and angry??He is a liar...he lied to his friend and me.

He told everyone that we off before 12th August..hahaha..how ridiculous!We were watching The Proposal on 11th August,715pm.l...how funny this guy!!Casting own drama and everyone trust on him.On 11th he told me he would love me forever,want to bult a family with me. How naive i am...But since don't know when he told a girl that he is happy to stay without me,how hypocrite he is.What make peoples around to trust on him?Funny...!!I found out the truth by myself,he is a LIAR!!If i'm a bitch,He is world damn it Bastard!

He told everyone that how much he had did for me,how much he satisfied for me.But who knows the real,the fact.Everyone pointed finger toward me and say that i'm a bad gf.He told everyone that he is 80% Bf?God dammit...Others think he is good cause he know how to wrapped himself as a good man,but his selfish and ego side,beside me who understand and see it?Somehow,i always believe that he is good and i'm really bad.Continue to cast your drama.....i'm glad taht you left.
Lim CW,U such a BAstard!!

today; The End

This morning once i wake up from sleep, a little cute monkey lie beside of me.

I pick it up and walk to dustbin and throw. Everything that he gave, i cleared it up by this morning. For me they aren't means anything anymore. I remembered that he told me, everything that he did is for me, everything that he do is for making me happy,my smile my laugh mean everything for him. I believe it...girl love sweet words even though it might sound unreal but girl love it, as well as me. He made me believe, no matter how hard the road are he will sail with me. As long as i need him, i just need to call his name and he will be here.

Life always unpredictable,fragile and vulnerable. I did something that make people who love me heart ache. I knew that he not able to accept it and 3 of us was struggle for the stupid situation. He cried when i cried,he sad whenever i'm sad. Though this start cause of my stupid action,childish minded,but part of it was about his family. His family, a girl and himself who really mess up my life.On that particular week,i can't breathe,everything was came so sudden. I have no idea what to do.It seem so dramatic about my life....hahaha

After i had make decision about it, things turn better. badly, the good moment only stand for few days. He left after that without anything,and now he go into a new relationship.I was really felt guilty in the past 2weeks time, i felt that i owed him lots. He say before that i never treat him good,the period i'm good are only in the 1st 7 days. Yes,i admit so,when he gave me everything i return him with nothing. In these 2 weeks time, i told myself that if he could come back i would do everything that he want.I would give up things that i can't...But maybe i'm naive just like him,just 2 weeks time he fall in love with his housemate.damn it..how would i able to accept the fact?i can't....a guy that who told me that whatever mistake i did,he will be here to forgive and forget.A guy who told me that he will be loving me forever and will neverlet me go cause i'm the one he love the most.Today,i been really suffer cause of those empty promises.

Anyway,today would be the last day i miss him.Everything is ended, i won't think of it anymore.Stay happy....Jess always a tough girl.

What is Love...is who i am?

Someone once asked me,
what is the true meaning of love?
Is it to care for others?
Or is it just to bare with others?
Is love for eternity?
Or is it just plain stupidity?
Some say love is a great task;
some say love is for lust.
Shall we take all these answers to my heart?
Should i mix them into my blood?
There are no answers to those,
and nothing against those who impose.
For love cannot be explained;
or questioned.
Love cannot be made;
or stated.
True love comes from the heart.....
and who are you to question for a start?

复刻回忆

你还好吗 好久不见 又来这里 这个老店 後来的你 喜欢了谁 我们 聊聊天 现在的你 一样美丽 至於爱情 是个回忆 她不爱我 他离开你 爱会来 就会去 在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你 这样的我 那样的你 要很久才相聚 我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因 青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里 我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气 复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你 窗外的树 爱哭的风 烦恼的我 聪明的你 爱是什麽 什麽人懂 所以 别难过 心还痛吗 请忘了吧 所谓幸福 是个童话 後来的我 一切随意 所以 没关系 在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你 这样的我 那样的你 要很久才相聚 我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因 青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里 我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气 复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你 午後的闷热的窗外的一场大雨 让我们看见了以前的自己 把时光倒转回那一季 那年的梦 他乡的你 “喜欢这首歌...就像这一刻我的感受，想他。在另一边的你，过得好吗？”

Sick....30hours Famine....Final Exam

Early in the morning, woke by painful sore-throat...is damn suffer.Drink lots of water but it doesn't help much. After an hour only can fall back into sleep but badly i missed my 1st class.I think i'm really malang,i stuck in the train for 45mins and the journey should only take 20minutes.Damn It, i think God dislike me...guess so,i was late for the 2nd class.

After class i took a long journey from Setapak to MidValley just to get my sport shoe.It really make me exhausted. After settled everything, took KTM from MidVAlley to Tasik Selatan, i saw a stall selling cucur Adabi,i bought a packet, this time it taste different,i don't like it. Maybe is the one who shared with me isn't here anymore that make cucur taste suck. That moment,i thought about Him again.

Tomorrow have to attend for Famine 30hours camp.I'm looking forward about it....Sunday i can meet A-Mei,my idol....yeah!!! I think this weekend will be very fun....Hereby really have to say thank you to You (Raymond),thaks for the gastric medicine and tomorrow breakfast.Haha..

Exam coming soon,just in the corner. 9th September but too bad i haven't start any revision. I couldn't concerntrate about study,how well i can score? I really doubt about it,life have to move on no matter how,othing gonna break me down. The least i won't let anything happen.....God,Bring me some luck.Pray..Pray..Pray...

21th August 2009
Jessica Chen

一个人...Alone

今天，准备好自己，梳洗完毕，整装出动。
哈哈，当Putra Lrt 到达Setuawangsa...突然的来电：“Dear,你在哪里？没上课哦...”
当场我的表情：“亲爱的，怎么搞的？我都快到了，怎么最后一分钟啊？”糟糕...糟糕...
那唯有掉头....到诊所去..

出奇的没有人...
位置望上去，看见这个。一个人，无聊嘛...

护士说：“还有两位就轮到你。”可惜，我真的很饿。我都受不了，一定得吃，就算是十五分钟对饥饿的我而言...太长了!所以有一个人跑到熟食摊位叫了这个.....---->>

猪肉粉....

过了二十分钟再吃回到诊所，都怪自己的肚子不争气。现在老天要考验我的耐性，既然被三位小姐排到我前面了。

一个人，一个人的行程，一个人在诊所里无聊着，一个人的午餐。或许，我也会爱上一个人的寂寞吧？

20/08/2009
Jessica

重生

陈先生的离去让很多朋友心痛不已。今早，跟着大队到富贵火化场。
在壁上看见：“一个人的离去，是另一个生命的开始.”若，每个人都可以选择，我想我并不想在重生。其实，在这次的葬礼我的心情显得特别的平静，没有太大的起伏，也没有掉下太多的眼泪。
心，酸酸的。该走的没有人可以留下，人生毕竟不就是如此吗？生，老，病，死。意外来得太快，现在的人，生或许未到到老就离去了。无常吧？我想是这样...

从来，我并不在快乐时留下字迹。所以，今天的我真的超难过。
我做错了太多还是你已经厌倦了？我相信，是你厌倦了。
一直以来，你扮演的角色就是一直在我背后追，不管我跑得多远只要回头就会看见你。
怪我？我想我真的不懂得珍惜。你总是带着一副臭脾气，让我吃不消兜着走。对着你，我就有份莫名的气。很常，我在想：“是不爱你吗？是还没准备好吗？还是你不够好？”...
之间的问题吵了又吵，闹了又闹，好了又好。
每一次你的不对我都想再包容一次。这一次我的错或许太离谱，你连手机都不接，信息也不回的。
我的迷惘，我的痛你或许看不见。不过，我相信在曾经的一刻，你是用心爱过我的。只想再一次听见你的声音。若，我可以.

现在，我真的好想好想再说一次我爱你。来不及也没关系，因为我知道你在那一方会听见的。
如果，未来的未来我们不再相见，不再相知，不再相爱。我希望你会是幸运和幸福的。
认识我，想会是最糟糕的事吧？


我最幸福的事-
想也变成最倒霉的事了。哈哈...