appreciate.

Holiday is coming to the end,time to back to study...feel boring,3weeks ago i felt that holiday is damn long,i had no idea what to do during this "loong" holiday.Day pass a day,time pass time only i realize time was gone in flash.Nothing much i had done for my holiday,playing,eating,sleeping and dreaming.

I remembered that in last semester our lecturer want us to discover about online relationship.It is very objective for every different single human being.Some people might think it is a very common scenario for current society,we have lot Internet friends which we unsure they are reliable,trustworthy or not.For my own opinion,i think internet just like a big of real society,having lot of different types of people,some might just as pure as to get a friend through internet,some might just to flirt around and wish to get accompany or maybe there are some people intent to bluff people in this big virtual world. No matter how we define virtual world we can't escape to be participate in it. I believe that in virtual world will have someone who really treat each other as real friend,having something common to share with.human being relationship are something really strange,even in real world we might can't differentiate who is real or fake,there is no any actual measurement,isn't it?there is no sure thing as attitude ruler to measure a good person or evil,as long as we did our part nicely,who care how others thought about us.

Life may just end tomorrow,brother of my friend just passed away not long ago.It 2nd cases in this year,life seem so fragile,human seem so small.we couldn't change anything,everyone wishing a better tomorrow but how we could make it?we are just too small to be in control our life,we weren't know what tomorrow could bring us and what we could give for tomorrow.When we are fear to step out,we are reluctant to care people around,we being hopeless for who we are now,who else could help beside we own?I'm the person that very greedy,sometime i want more than i can get,i understand the theory but it just too hard for me to apply.Lets cross finger with self,for make a better self,for not live self in regret...start from this moment love people around,show them concern and stay happy.We might can't give other a better tomorrow but before the last breath we make a different for our own,i guess when come to the end of day,our life will be wonderful.

Finally

Finally i got walk through from the pain..
finally i don't struggling for the past..
finally i breath the fresh air..

sometimes,i wonder...life getting complicate because of a person.
therefore,stay life simple,everything would be much better.Exam is done...Holiday-ing now.
damn syiok!!!but i got no plan what to do yet..any idea??open for a date...who want join me?

Day 13...without you.

This moment,I miss you so much.Doing revision alone in this cold midnight,Exam in the corner but where are you?sleep?blogging?chatting?...I am alone with Books and notes.

I remembered previously, I do revision for Midterm test and you're still here for accompanied. Normally, I would call and ask you study and memorize important points for me. Stupid enough??I have no choice cause my BF is really smart. Tonight, I gotta study y own and memorize every points by my own. Final exam is near but you aren't here anymore.

Anyway,I promise to myself and this is for you.I wish you will come back as you promise. No matter how many years to go as long as you would turn back, I would be here to say halloo. Thing might turn different but I dont't want lose a friend when i already lose you as bf.No matter how many years that you need to forgive and forget, I wish you're here still in my life.

Jess
2/9/2009
0300am

爱过就不后悔

虽然，嘴里...心里...不断地重复有多么的讨厌他，恨他。但，我重来都不曾后悔最后的选择是他。


今天我们处于这种地步，我的责任是最大。比起我对他的恨意，他比任何人都更有资格很我。这段感情我学的很多，感受到很多。快了，悲伤，讨厌，烦...错中复杂的情绪。我自认从开始我给予他的爱的确少得可怜，少得他苦苦哀求希望我能爱他多一点。我后悔自己不曾用心爱他，原来在我跑他追的情况我已经习惯有他在身边唠唠叨叨的日子，有个人不断地跟我吵架，不断的说爱我。我不后悔在最后发现真个事实时选择留在他身边。然，我后悔的是原本可以好好爱他，我却错过了。

到了现在，我们谈不上曾经深爱过。到了现在，我却发现原来我们连朋友都不是。那，剩下的还有什么呢？他说过，在我身上他体验了很多第一次的感受。第一次如此爱一个女生，第一次不断的吵架，第一个为女生哭了又哭...还有很多很多。在他离开前，他说：“不是我不再爱你，可是...那总是夹着可是。或许现在我不再回来，或许以后我会回来。”....我呆了，以后？以后是多久以后的事呢？我不会等，因为等待的人最愚蠢。等待的人让生命停留不动，让理想停止。而这一切就只为了等待一个不知的未来吗？我当然希望有一天我开大眼睛就看见他，可是我却也知道梦想离现实很远的道理。

我只想再说，选择是你，我没有后悔。不管现在变成了怎样，我依然相信曾经的曾经你是如此如此的深爱着我。而我，却爱得太迟。原谅我...原谅我的自私。我想念你为我做的每一件事，生病了为我买的药，坚持爱我的的心，我们一起看的夕阳，我一起到过的海边，我踏足的沙滩，我们的海鲜意大利面，你准备的早餐，你为我哭的表情，你送给我的每一个笑脸，你对我的付出，你抱着我旋转的回忆都是我想的。感情本来就是失或得，我失去你但我或得比失去更多。

爱过总比什么都没有来得好，既然我们连朋友都谈不上那我就把你忘了。爱过就不后悔...

The Real you...hypocrite!Liar!!

Why should i care and angry??He is a liar...he lied to his friend and me.

He told everyone that we off before 12th August..hahaha..how ridiculous!We were watching The Proposal on 11th August,715pm.l...how funny this guy!!Casting own drama and everyone trust on him.On 11th he told me he would love me forever,want to bult a family with me. How naive i am...But since don't know when he told a girl that he is happy to stay without me,how hypocrite he is.What make peoples around to trust on him?Funny...!!I found out the truth by myself,he is a LIAR!!If i'm a bitch,He is world damn it Bastard!

He told everyone that how much he had did for me,how much he satisfied for me.But who knows the real,the fact.Everyone pointed finger toward me and say that i'm a bad gf.He told everyone that he is 80% Bf?God dammit...Others think he is good cause he know how to wrapped himself as a good man,but his selfish and ego side,beside me who understand and see it?Somehow,i always believe that he is good and i'm really bad.Continue to cast your drama.....i'm glad taht you left.
Lim CW,U such a BAstard!!

today; The End

This morning once i wake up from sleep, a little cute monkey lie beside of me.

I pick it up and walk to dustbin and throw. Everything that he gave, i cleared it up by this morning. For me they aren't means anything anymore. I remembered that he told me, everything that he did is for me, everything that he do is for making me happy,my smile my laugh mean everything for him. I believe it...girl love sweet words even though it might sound unreal but girl love it, as well as me. He made me believe, no matter how hard the road are he will sail with me. As long as i need him, i just need to call his name and he will be here.

Life always unpredictable,fragile and vulnerable. I did something that make people who love me heart ache. I knew that he not able to accept it and 3 of us was struggle for the stupid situation. He cried when i cried,he sad whenever i'm sad. Though this start cause of my stupid action,childish minded,but part of it was about his family. His family, a girl and himself who really mess up my life.On that particular week,i can't breathe,everything was came so sudden. I have no idea what to do.It seem so dramatic about my life....hahaha

After i had make decision about it, things turn better. badly, the good moment only stand for few days. He left after that without anything,and now he go into a new relationship.I was really felt guilty in the past 2weeks time, i felt that i owed him lots. He say before that i never treat him good,the period i'm good are only in the 1st 7 days. Yes,i admit so,when he gave me everything i return him with nothing. In these 2 weeks time, i told myself that if he could come back i would do everything that he want.I would give up things that i can't...But maybe i'm naive just like him,just 2 weeks time he fall in love with his housemate.damn it..how would i able to accept the fact?i can't....a guy that who told me that whatever mistake i did,he will be here to forgive and forget.A guy who told me that he will be loving me forever and will neverlet me go cause i'm the one he love the most.Today,i been really suffer cause of those empty promises.

Anyway,today would be the last day i miss him.Everything is ended, i won't think of it anymore.Stay happy....Jess always a tough girl.

What is Love...is who i am?

Someone once asked me,
what is the true meaning of love?
Is it to care for others?
Or is it just to bare with others?
Is love for eternity?
Or is it just plain stupidity?
Some say love is a great task;
some say love is for lust.
Shall we take all these answers to my heart?
Should i mix them into my blood?
There are no answers to those,
and nothing against those who impose.
For love cannot be explained;
or questioned.
Love cannot be made;
or stated.
True love comes from the heart.....
and who are you to question for a start?